The Cabin in the Woods (2012) ****

                             

I’m not sure how to write this without giving anything away.  Apparently, a lot of people have said this and they’re right.

What I can say is that this is Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly) at his true Whedon-y self here.  Fellow fans should know what I’m speaking of – dark, twisted and very funny… in a slightly demented way.

I’ll give you the skeletal gist of it.  Five young pretty things – Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Jesse Williams (Grey’s Anatomy), Fran Kranz (Dollhouse), Kristen Connolly and Anna Hutchinson – decide to head up to a cabin in the woods for a little fun and get a lot more than what they bargained for!  And not in a fun way, well not for them anyway.  And that’s all I can say.

Ok, I could throw in the shadowy government types (Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford to name a few), lurking beneath said Cabin.  They happen to provide quite a bit of the fun as you try desperately not to like them (they are shadowy after all)!

And that’s all I can say plot-wise.  You’ll have to watch to see how it all fits in together.

Joss Whedon is a true master.  This film mocks every genre you can think of, and possibly more! No it’s not some grossly, cheesy Scary Movie type.  You could say it’s a whole new genre.  You can see all the nods from The Ring, to Hellraiser, to Stephen King’s It, to Big Brother.  Yes, reality is given a healthy dose of creepiness, as if it wasn’t creepy enough.  But essentially, it still maintains it's horror pedigree.

All of this leads to a completely ridiculous and insane – but totally relevant penultimate climax, where I sat there momentarily stunned thinking ‘oh crap’ followed swiftly by ‘what the hell?!’ followed by hysterical laughter. I can honestly say I will never look at a unicorn the same way ever again… ever.

For Serenity fans, think the Reavers scene when they come out of the clouds… now think of it on Crack.

I guess Whedon planned it this way.  His films traditionally start out quite normally, and you just snigger along.  Then there’s some form of adventure, followed some battle, followed by an intimate face-off.  What he’s done here, is not only make fun of every film out there, but also poked fun at himself.  The climax says it all… there’s even a fun cameo in there – Horror royalty if you will.

With all the Whedon flicks coming out hard and fast and with great reviews, might there be hope for another Serenity instalment?

Anyway, I digress.  Cabin in the Woods is a must for horror fans and especially Whedon fans (you’ll see quite a few Whedon alums in there).  For any one else, it’s a 50-50 chance of whether you like it or hate it.  It all depends on whether you understand and appreciate his darkly, twisted humour.

Wrath of the Titans (2012) ***

                       

      

Some time ago, Sam Worthington came out apologising for Clash of the Titans (prequel to Wrath).  He doesn’t need to apologise too much for this though.  It was a pretty decent mythical epic.  In fact, what he really needs to apologise for is that atrocious mop of hair on his head!  Au natural does not suit everyone Mr Worthington… Get a hair cut!  The rest will do.

So, since our hero – Perseus’ last escapade, he’s still as sulky, doomy and gloomy as ever.  I guess he has a reason to be.  He is now a widower (Io’s Gemma Arterton was too busy playing Gretel) and single father to young Helius.  Helius is bored of his father’s fishing trade, something Perseus is quite content with.  He’d rather see the heroic version of his father he’s heard so much about.  Needless to say, he gets his chance.  Chronos (father of Zeus and therefore Grandfather of
Perseus) the Titan is about to break free from his prison – Tartarus.

Perseus being a demi-god, seems to be the only one who can apparently put a stop to this.  You see, the world has stopped believing in the gods, so they can’t help (as explained by Liam Neeson’s Zeus) as their power dwindles.

But stubborn Perseus isn’t interested, until all hell starts breaking loose (literally) and daddy Zeus is captured by ne’er do wells Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Ares (Edgar Ramirez).  Perseus has his work cut out for him.  He needs to rescue Zeus, kill Chronos and save the world… again.

Enter cousin Agenor (Toby Kebbel, part saviour of the film with his antics).  He’s Poseidon’s son – the self proclaimed Navigator.  Because half a god + half a god = a full god. Right? Err…

Any who, we get an upgrade in eye-candy and acting talent!  Rosamund Pike (Die Another Day, Doom) is now playing Andromeda (previously played by Alexa Davalos). Beauty, talent and I don’t want to throw anything at her when she makes a speech!  A rare triple threat in a woman…

Oh and we have Bill Nighy as a lunatic god Hephaestus (glad he’s on the good side).

Sam Worthington is still as wooden as a tree, however he kills (in a good way) the emotional scenes, in the latter half.  He’s actually better when he’s bouncing off some of the better actors such as Kebbel and especially Neeson.

Neeson and Fiennes are just in leagues of their own… especially Fiennes.  The man can make you go from hating him to cheering him on in the blink of an eye!  I of course cheered him on throughout! 

The themes of father/son and brother relationships is what really made me connect to this Titans flick.  It’s too bad the swoon-worthy Edgar Ramirez wasn’t given more to do other than throw jealous tantrums, albeit it pretty powerful tantrums – he is the god of war after all. And he made a pretty damn good Ares, even with what little he was given.  I actually wish he’d hogged the screen a bit more. 

Actually, if Perseus had taken the time to at least wipe his face, he could have also scrubbed up quite well.  How hard can it be?!  He lives next to an ocean!  Take a dip, and then ride off on Pegasus!  Even Andromeda took the time out of her busy war schedule to wipe her mud-splattered face!

I was about to say this film is a great place to stop in the franchise, but I’ve just discovered they’re making another one.  I’d suggest just concentrating on another Immortals film – a far superior mythical epic, and just find a way to incorporate Ramirez and Fiennes. 

So if you’re into your epics… go see!  Just don’t expect to be blown away.