Oh dear, mmm…. Where to begin? Dark Shadows was a good idea for sure, but
something seems to have broken in translation to the big screen.
Dark Shadows is the tale of Barnabus Collins – a man cursed
to be a vampire by a beautiful but psychotic witch, who takes umbrage to the
fact that Barnabus can’t and won’t love her back.
After almost 200 years of imprisonment, Barnabus (Johnny
Depp) returns home to his beloved Collinwood to protect (or at least attempt
to) what’s left of his family, from the vengeful Eva Green (Casino Royale, The
Golden Compass) and help rebuild the family fortune while he’s at it.
The combination of Tim Burton and Depp usually yields
excellent if weird results. But
something seems to have gone awry. While
the cast is excellent (with the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena
Bonham-Carter, Christopher Lee and Jackie Earle Haley), the film just could not
decide whether it wanted to be a comedy or a serious horror flick.
That doesn’t mean there weren’t some fun parts, mostly just sniggering…
laugh out louds if you got and appreciated all the clichés. Nonetheless, the overall feel to it was one
of ‘clunki-ness.’ A real shame, as the
concept was great. And a film which
starts off with a perfectly placed song (the masterpiece that is Nights in
White Satin) of unrequited love really set the mood. In fact the soundtrack itself was
perfect. Alice Cooper even makes an
appearance as himself… which for me was the highlight.
Actually, Michelle Pfeiffer gave a pretty solid
performance. The again, she is Michelle
Pfeiffer! Her interactions with Depp
showed a subtle chemistry that was perfect for their characters. Even though he was the older and more
powerful member of the family, her character seemed to exude a power of her
own. It felt like she was his equal and
the person who could guide and propel him when he needed it the most.
Did I mention she looks pretty damn good for someone her
age?
What I cannot fathom is why they wasted the talents of
Jackie Earle Haley. The man is comedic
gold (see Human Target)! Obviously Burton was trying to go
with the clichéd creepy caretaker vibe in a movie full of clichés, all of which
could have been more than the lack lustre puns that they were. Alas, they
missed many opportunities.
And what on Earth was Chloe Moretz doing?! Her character was just plain annoying… and
inappropriate. Even if they did eventually explain her behaviour, it was just
ridiculous. All I wanted to do was smack
her.
Little Gulliver McGrath seemed to fair a little better. I’ll go so far as to say I even liked him. However, he is yet again another missed
opportunity. As the youngest member of
the Collins family and also the most mysterious, his relationship with Barnabus
could have done with a lot more development.
They had so much potential in the few scenes they had together. 
Now for Eva Green. I
have to say, she was a perfect witch!
Then again, she’s had a lot of practice (see The Golden Compass,
Camelot). It’s too bad there was no
balance in the script. She and Depp had
some great moments, they just didn’t seem to know where to go from there. Maybe the combination of
One could say it’s time for Burton to do a film without one or both to
reignite the creativity.
In short, just wait for the DVD, or better yet TV. You’re honestly not missing much.
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